How to Make Tough Decisions about Your Wedding Guest List

Wedding planning essentials

First things first, start by considering the overall vision and tone of your wedding day. Determining your wedding planning priorities and allocating your budget accordingly will help you decide your final numbers enormously. For example, if you want a small and intimate wedding, your absolute nearest and dearest are invited. Or if a big, bold bash is what you want, then you can be more relaxed with numbers. However, if you're somewhere in between, consider hiring a wedding planner to help with the planning process and provide expert guidance throughout. They can help you curate a guest list and help you trim it down if your numbers start creeping up.

Understanding your guest list categories

Identify your immediate family members and closest friends who should be included in your guest list. Then, categorise your guests into must-haves, should-haves, and nice-to-haves to prioritise your guest list. Discuss the importance of extended family members and decide whether to include them in your guest list early to avoid tricky conversations later in the planning process. At this point, you can also start making decisions about including plus-ones and children in your guest list, but try to stick to them—that way, everyone knows where they stand from the off.

Wedding guest list etiquette

Determining who should get a plus-one for a wedding can be a delicate task, as it often involves balancing your budget, venue capacity, and relationships with your guests. Here are some general guidelines to help decide who should get a plus-one: Immediate family: Typically, immediate family members (parents, siblings) should be able to bring a guest, especially if they are married or in a serious relationship Wedding party: Members of the wedding party, including bridesmaids and groomsmen, are usually given a plus-one as a courtesy for their involvement and support in the wedding Engaged, married, or cohabiting couples: Guests who are engaged, married, or living together should generally be allowed to bring their significant other Long-term relationships: Consider granting a plus-one to guests who are in long-term, committed relationships (typically dating for a year or more), even if they aren’t living together or engaged Out-of-town guests: If someone is travelling far, it is a nice touch to allow them to bring a plus-one for the company during the trip Guests who may not know many people: If a guest does not know many other guests, giving them a plus-one can help them feel more comfortable and be able to enjoy the celebrations Guests with special roles: If a guest has a special role or connection to the couple, offering a plus-one can be a nice gesture Budget and venue capacity: Always consider your budget and the capacity of your venue. If you have limited space or budget, it is okay to restrict plus-ones to only the most necessary situations Communication: Communicate your plus-one policy on the wedding invitations. You can address the invitation to the specific person and their guest or state the policy on your wedding website Consistency: Whatever you decide, apply it consistently to avoid hurt feelings or misunderstandings

Managing expectations and boundaries

Communicate openly with your partner and wedding party about your guest list decisions and expectations from the very beginning. It's important to set clear boundaries with family members and friends who may have different expectations for your guest list so you have time to discuss your choices and help everyone understand why you've made the choices you have. Be prepared to make tough decisions, but remember to prioritise your needs and desires. It's your celebration, so you should be happy with everyone who's going to attend.

Creating a realistic guest list budget

Determine your overall wedding budget early on in the wedding planning process and allocate a realistic number for your guest count. By considering the cost per guest and factoring in expenses such as food, drinks, and venue rental will give you a good idea of the total number you'll need to raise. Research and compare prices for different venues and vendors to find the best fit for your budget. Having flexibility with your wedding date will also help with your overall budget, for example choosing a mid-week celebration will cost considerably less than a weekend wedding date.

Wedding guest list considerations

Consider the venue capacity and how many guests you can comfortably fit into the space taking into consideration space for the wedding breakfast, dancing and entertainment. To ensure your guest list is realistic and manageable, think about the time of year and day of the week and how it may impact your guest list; for example, if you’re hosting your wedding the same weekend as a major sporting event in your town, then flight and accommodation will be more for guests who are travelling a distance. Decide whether to allow single guests to bring plus-ones and whether to include children in your guest list. Whatever you decide it needs to be consistent and fair throughout—your guest list will respect your decision making process if they have plenty of time to plan ahead.

Handling difficult conversations

Unfortunately, you will need to prepare for some difficult conversations with family members and friends who may be disappointed by your guest list decisions. Just be honest and open in your communication, but also be firm and clear with your boundaries. Offer alternative solutions, such as a pre or post-wedding celebration or a smaller intimate gathering that includes some guests that won't be on the wedding guest list. But don't forget to prioritise yourself and your partner, and don’t get swayed by other people’s requests.

Finalising your guest list

Lastly, remember to review and finalise your guest list, making necessary adjustments and cuts. There are heaps of wedding planning apps or tools out there now to help manage your guest list and track RSVPs to help you with the wedding planning process. If you've chosen to create a wedding website on a platform such as Say I do and are planning to send out digital wedding invitations, you'll benefit hugely from the handy RSVP feature, which, once in full swing, you'll wonder how you ever managed without it! Once your digital invites go out and your wedding guests start to RSVP, the system monitors responses as they come in.

At this stage, you can take a deep breath, safe in the knowledge that it’s all coming together. But remember that your wedding day is about celebrating your love and commitment, not making everybody else happy.